I Never Really Cared Until I Met You
by poppyfields13
Summary: ON HIATUS, INDEFINITELY. The Pike triplets may be identical, but they definitely aren’t the same. Byron Pike is about to realise just how different he is. And with Logan Bruno around, he can’t deny it. Slash.
1. Prologue

A/N: Ok…Byron Pike is soooooo gay! BUT I am so sick of all the Jeff/Byron pairings, I just don't see Jeff as being gay, but I can see Logan as being gay (hello, boy-babysitter! Just kidding!) So yeah, I just put them two together.

Disclaimer: If I actually thought I could get money from this…what would I be doing here?

**Prologue**

When I was ten years old, my brothers and sisters got baby-sat for _a lot_, usually by my older sister Mallory, and/or one of her friends from the Baby-Sitters Club. One day, my mom took my younger brothers and sisters shopping for new school clothes and Mallory was busy sitting. Ordinarily my brothers (we're triplets) would have begged to be left alone, but we were grounded that week for playing a prank on one of the teachers at school, so mom insisted we have a sitter.

The Baby-Sitters Club was very busy that week, so they had to send one of their associate members Logan Bruno; he was Mary Anne Spier's boyfriend. My brothers and I thought it was pretty cool that we didn't have to have a girl baby-sitter, and couldn't wait to get Logan to play basketball with us.

When he arrived, we all bombarded him with requests, Jordan and Adam wanted to play basketball, I wanted to play baseball. That kind of thing happened to me a lot, I wanted to do something different from my brothers, but then they would just tease me and tell me to go and play with Nicky, so usually I just ended up going along with everything they said.

But Logan said we could play basketball first, and then baseball after. I was not very good at basketball; I kept missing the hoop, or leaving myself wide open for Adam or Jordan to steal the ball from me. Logan gave me some pointers, and he was really patient with me, when I just couldn't get a grasp on the concepts he was trying to teach me.

Then we finally got to play baseball. Everything was going great, until I went to bat. I wanted to impress Logan with my baseball skills, unfortunately that kind of clouded my judgement. Jordan threw the ball, and I swung the bat to hit it, but I missed and the ball ended up whacking my hand that was clasped around the bat. The pain was awful, and when I looked down at my hand, it was starting to swell, and turn an interesting shade of purple.

The next thing I knew Logan had his arm around my shoulders, and lead me into the bathroom inside where he turned on the tap in the sink and put my hand underneath the cold running water. His arm remained on my shoulders.

I tried not to cry, my brothers would never let me live it down, but it just hurt so much I couldn't stop the few tears that seemed determined to make their way down the side of my face. I sniffled, and Logan heard, he probably thought I was such a baby.

"It's OK, Byron," he said. "You know, the exact same thing happened to me when I was around your age."

"Really?" I asked looking up into his eyes.

"Yeah, except I wasn't as brave as you, I bawled my eyes out!"

That made me laugh. We both stood there laughing, with Logan's hand still on my shoulders, and suddenly my hand didn't feel sore at all. I wished Logan could baby sit us all the time. I liked Logan a lot. But back then I didn't realise why.


	2. I always got by on my own

_A/N: __Ok, I just realised this is a 'songfic' or I think it is…Anyways the title is from the song "Alone" by Heart. And so are the titles of the chapters. This is kind of a filler chapter I had to add in, because I didn't feel comfortable just skipping Byron to age seventeen. Sorry about the slow update. :D _

**Chapter One: ****I always got by on my own**

When I was fourteen years old, my first year of high school I used to see Logan Bruno sometimes in the halls, I don't think he ever noticed me. I didn't know why, but I was really disappointed when he didn't notice me. I guess I was still a naïve kid, I thought he was my friend, just because he was really nice to me one day.

Logan played football, and the whole school used to go to the games, it was a social occasion. One day my brothers and I went to watch a game, along with the rest of the school. Adam and Jordan had _dates_. I had never had a date, and to be honest I didn't plan to. I just didn't like girls, and I couldn't imagine myself ever liking them.

I didn't really care much about the game, but I liked watching Logan. He didn't seem to be as rough as the other players, you could tell he was considerate…a gentleman. Even when playing something like football, I really admired him for that. And throughout the game I was constantly reminded of how gentle and sweet Logan had been to me that day he babysat us and I hurt my hand. How he had laid his arm on my shoulder. I don't think even my parents have made me feel as comfortable as he did that day.

After Logan left school, I missed seeing him around; I always looked up to him. But I started thinking about him a lot. And when I thought of Logan, I thought of his hand on my shoulder. And the more I thought about it, my stomach started to develop a peculiar feeling every time I imagined Logan's face.

By the time I was fifteen I knew I didn't like girls because I liked guys instead, and in particular one guy: Logan. Those peculiar feelings meant something, and I finally realised what that meaning was.

But by then he had gone to college. Not that I would have told him, it was probably better that he was gone. Well that's what I told myself. But just because Logan was gone, it didn't mean that the feelings were.

-

I am seventeen now. I still think about Logan a lot. I don't know why, I mean, I have had a few crushes on some of the guys at school. Of course no one ever knew that, especially the guys I had the crushes on. In fact no one knows about my secret, I have managed to keep it hidden. My life is hidden.

Not that my parents aren't always trying to find out "what is wrong" with me. Because I am really quiet, now. I was always the least outgoing out of Jordan, Adam and Me. But now I just feel like if I let people into my life they will realise I am gay, and I don't know what I would do. Being quiet is just part of the life I have now, it's a consequence of who I am.

I think one of the reasons I developed feelings for Logan is because that day when Logan had baby-sat us, he kind of made me feel…understood. And I have never felt that way again with anyone, not even my family.

But obviously my feelings for him are a waste of my time, because Logan will never love me.


	3. My love for you is still unknown

**Chapter Two: My love for you is still unknown**

"Byron! Byron Pike!" An eager male voice called out from behind me. I turned around and saw Logan Bruno running towards me. He stopped in front of me, puffing slightly.

"Hi Byron, it's me Logan…Do you remember?" He asked.

Of course I remembered! As if I would forget. "Yeah, I remember. Hi Logan. Um, how did you know it was me, and not Adam or Jordan?" I queried.

Logan laughed, "Of course I knew it was you!" He said, as if it was obvious. I wasn't quite sure what he meant by it.

I didn't think it was possible but he seemed to have gotten taller since I last saw him. His hair seemed blonder too, and his cheeks were…dimplier. But all those things could have been my imagination; I guess I had forgotten how handsome he was. It kind of took my breath away.

I know I was staring at him, but despite this I still couldn't help myself. And he just kept grinning at me, with this huge Colgate smile, his eyes crinkled kindly.

Then Kristy Thomas came out of a store and walked up to him. I vaguely remembered Mallory saying something about Kristy and Logan going to the same college.

"K, let's go." She said, "Oh, Hi Byron! What's up? Hey, is Mal back for the summer yet?"

"Um, she's staying with some friends for a couple of weeks first. Then she's coming back." I said weakly.

"Ok. Well see ya!" She said, walking off.

Logan glanced back at me and smiled. "Bye Byron," he said before following her.

I watched Kristy's pony-tail bouncing from side to side as she strode along the sidewalk. "Bitch." I muttered under my breath. Then I was shocked at myself. She hadn't done anything to me and I suddenly hated her. I think it had something to do with the fact she was with Logan. Were they together?

Just then two guys from school came up behind me and slapped me on the back.

"Pike! Whaddup?" One of them said in a Biff Tannen-like tone.

"Which one are you any way?" The other one asked.

"Uh…Byron." I stuttered.

"Oh," he replied, clearly disappointed. Adam and Jordan were the 'cool' triplets.

"Hey was that Logan Bruno I saw you talking to?" Biff asked.

I nodded.

"No kidding, I heard he is a fag now."

I coughed. "Wha…What?!"

"He's a homo." Biff insisted confidently.

"Ew, that's weird man," said the other guy.

"I know. My older brother used to be on the same football team as him. They used to take _showers_ together." Biff said, howling with laughter, "You should have seen the look on my bro's face when he found out!"

"How did he find out?" I asked. "I mean, how do you know it's true?" I said in a quavering voice, my heart was pounding so rapidly, I felt like I was about to heave it onto Biff's shoes.

"Apparently he came out at college, and the gossip spread between college footballers. Probably every college football player in the country knows about it!"

"Well, it's still nasty!" said Biff's sidekick, giving a shudder of revulsion.

"Yeah," I found myself saying, "It's disgusting!"

The guys gave me funny looks, taken aback by my sudden outburst, and I think, by the shrillness in my voice.

"You got a thing against fags?" Biff asked, eyeing me in what seemed like a 'new light'.

"Um…." What the hell? I wasn't sure if I should go along with it or not. But I didn't have to answer because he swung his arm around my shoulder and ruffled my hair in what I assumed was supposed to be an affectionate way.

"You're alright kid," he said. "Wanna hang out with me and Johnny tonight? We're going to a party at Sean McKinnon's place; his parents are out of town."

I had heard about the party from Adam and Jordan, and I had had no intention of going. But for some reason I was feeling kind of reckless, and so I found myself agreeing, even though I ordinarily never would have.

"Cool. So do you think Bruno wears ladies panties?" Johnny asked laughing maniacally.

I laughed callously. "Probably. What a creepy pervert." I said. I couldn't believe the lies that kept spurting from my mouth.

There was something addictive about it. The more I played up this character I had created, the more confident I felt. It was like because I wasn't being myself…I was free. It was strange…making homophobic comments, comments that could be about _me_. Saying crude things about the guy I was pretty much in love with. And hanging out with guys who hated people like me…but because of that it was amusing. It made me feel clever…because I was fooling them.

But then I thought about Logan…was it true? I was too scared to believe it. I would be so hurt if I got my hopes up only to discover it wasn't true. But to stop myself from doing that, I was punishing myself. By acting like a bully, I was essentially bullying myself…and I didn't care.

I was so confused by the news about Logan that it was _less complex_ for me to throw myself into pretending I was like those guys. But the fact that I wouldn't be able to keep it up forever was always in the back of my mind.

_A/N: I have just edited this a little because I was not happy with it. Please review. I did not expect the story to go in this direction when I started it. So I would really like to know if you like it…or hate it. Please tell me. _


	4. I wonder where you are tonight

_**A/N:**__ I am so, so sorry that I took so long to update this! I kinda lost my inspiration (plus I have been obsessed with the HSM fandom! CHYAN!...come on, you can't tell me that 'I don't dance' isn't the most slashy thing ever!) but I think my inspiration is coming back to me and I hope you can get back into it with me! _XD

-

**Chapter Three: I wonder where you are tonight**

**-**

The party wasn't so bad because Adam and Jordan both went too, so I didn't have to go there all by myself. And those two guys were so drunk they couldn't tell either of us apart. I actually sat outside by myself for most of the night. In the shadows so that no-one could see me, and just watching the numerous heterosexual couples making out and feeling sick. I felt sick at the sight of them, sick with myself that I wasn't one of them and sick that I couldn't just admit that I was different. No-one will ever accept me, I told myself, I can't even accept myself.

It didn't help that Adam and Jordan pretty much exiled me from everything they did nowadays. Ever since Mallory went away to boarding school and Nicky and I moved into a room together without them, they didn't treat me the same way. They thought I was a "triplet traitor" or so they called it. God, they really are immature sometimes.

When I had mentioned the party and if I could go with them they had told me I couldn't because I hadn't been invited. I told them I had been invited and they hadn't believed me, but grudgingly said that I could catch a ride with them. We were supposed to share the car that we had, but they never let me use it by myself. Not that I ever wanted to go out anywhere.

So, when we got to the party, they promptly ditched me, and I don't think they noticed at all that I wasn't inside for most of the night. When I finally went back in because I could stand the boredom no longer, I found them both drunk and comatose on the floor, with most of the rest of the inhabitants of the party. Luckily for them I hadn't had anything to drink, so I had to drag them out to the car and drive us home.

Mom and Dad were in bed when we got there but I could see that their light was still on through the window, they were obviously waiting up for us. Quietly, I dragged Adam and Jordan, one at a time up the stairs and put them into their beds. Then I knocked on my parents' door.

"Come in," said my mother's voice.

I peeked my head around the door. They were both in bed reading. "Hi, Mom. We're home. Adam and Jordan already went to bed," I said.

Dad peered over his glasses as if he didn't quite believe me, but said nothing. "Ok, hun," Mom said, "Come give me a kiss." I rolled my eyes, but went over there anyway and bent down to let her kiss my cheek. Fortunately, sitting outside all night meant I didn't smell like cigarettes at all the way my brothers did.

"Night Mom…Night Dad."

"Night Son."

"Night Baby."

I quietly made my way into my own room, making sure not to wake Nicky up. I was angry at my brothers. I felt like they had taken advantage of me, even though I didn't have to do what I did. I could have told my parents about their inebriation as soon as I got home. I think they knew I wouldn't do that though. They knew I still wanted to be included with them, and wouldn't do anything to jeopardise that.

They kept me on the outside, just enough so that I wouldn't give up, and enough to keep me always wishing for more.

-

I had to get up early the next morning for work. No-one else was up, and I took advantage of the situation by having an extra long hot shower. After I was dressed I peeked in on my brothers before I went downstairs. They were in the exact positions that I had left them in. Pathetic.

I ate my breakfast, and then went into the garage to get my bike. I had to cycle there because there was no way Adam and Jordan would ever let me take the car as they always wanted to use it that day. I suppose I could have just taken it, but I would never do that.

I was working in the bookstore downtown. I had taken over Mallory's place when she had gone back to school last year when the summer ended. I actually liked it a lot. And I especially liked being away from home and school. It was like a place where I could just act naturally. And the customers were usually older people and parents with their children, so I never really had to worry about seeing anyone from school.

I was in the process of reading a new book that had just come in when a shadow appeared before me. I looked up and saw Logan Bruno staring at me and grinning. "Hi," he said.

I choked on some imaginary object that seemed to be caught in my throat. "Oh, um…hi, Logan."

He just smiled that gorgeous toothy grin. I swear a little drool escaped my mouth. I checked my watch. 9.30 on a Saturday morning. "You're up early." Lame conversation starter, I know, but it was the best I could come up with.

"Yeah, I guess I'm just used to it…with training and everything," he said.

"Oh," I nodded. "Um, where's Kristy?"

He gave me a funny look. "Uh, at home I guess? Why do you ask?"

"Oh, I just thought…well, are you two doing anything special together today?"

Logan's eyes widened. "Kristy isn't my girlfriend, Byron!"

"She isn't? But I thought…I mean, you were together yesterday…"

"We are just really good friends. We have a lot in common and she really helped me figure things out, you know, about my sexuality." I felt incredibly stupid. Also, very embarrassed at the mention of his sexuality. I could feel my face growing warm. Was it really true? "Anyway, Kristy recommended this book to me so I thought I would check it out," he said passing the book over the counter. I glanced down at the book. It was 'Rainbow Boys' by Alex Sanchez. My favourite book.

There had been quite a bit of controversy in the town when a disgruntled parent had discovered it in the store and wanted it banned. I had already secretly read it at the library and was still too scared to actually buy it, but was quite pleased when the woman hadn't been taken seriously, and it had been kept in stock.

"Um…that's a really good book," I said softly.

Logan raised his eyebrow and smiled, "Really?"

I suddenly got the sneaking suspicion that he was flirting with me! No, he can't be, I told myself. Don't be ridiculous. You are just over analysing. Not every smile is flirtatious! Not that I really had any experience with flirting so you can understand my confusion about what was going on.

I rang up the book and asked him if he wanted a bag. "No thanks," he said in a sort of laughing but kind voice. It made my knees weak. I wanted to smile back, but I was petrified. "See ya later."

"Bye," was all I could manage to huskily squeeze out. He flashed that amazing smile again and confidently strode out the door. I stood staring after him dumbly for what felt like forever. Then I grimaced inwardly as the two jerks from yesterday entered the store. I looked around desperately for something to occupy myself, but it was too late, they had already seen me.

"Hey Pike!" I cringed at the horribly familiar voice and looked up. "I just saw you talking to Bruno the Homo."

Before I even knew what I was saying (and honestly have no idea how I managed to form the words) I laughed callously. "Yeah, I know. He bought a book about _gay guys_. Can you believe him?" I knew my face had gone red. If those two had been smart they would have questioned how I knew it was a book about gay guys just by looking at the cover. Opportunely for me, they were dumbasses.

Just then, this geeky kid from school walked past the shop and dropped a bag full of groceries on the ground, spilling its contents. They laughed, "Catch ya later," he said, and they walked outside to harass the poor kid. I watched through the glass, too cowardly to stop them, and knowing if they knew I was gay, what they would do to me would be much worse.

I sighed heavily. I am going to be a closet case for the rest of my life, I told myself. I don't have a choice.

-

That night, after dinner I lay on my bed in a cloud of melancholy, as I liked to do most Saturday nights as opposed to going out and getting trashed or laid, or both, as most other teenage boys seemed to like to do. I kept thinking about seeing Logan. Every time I imagined his face my stomach got that butterfly feeling. Then I thought about those guys bullying that kid and the feeling turned to dread and dropped right to the bottom of my stomach. It just made me believe that if I ever did come out, it might feel good at first but really, it would just make my life a whole lot worse than it already was.

Jordan and Adam then came into the room and invited me to the mall with them. I had a sneaking suspicion Mom had told them to ask me. And I was positive the only reason they hadn't objected more vehemently was because they owed me for last night. I sighed. I didn't really want to go. I liked lying around and sulking. It's one of the things I do best. But I heaved myself off of my bed anyway, knowing I needed the distraction.

-

_A/N: I am not used to writing in first person and pretty sure I made a some mistakes with the tenses in here. I confused myself, lol. Hope you liked it anyway! _XD


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